Not in my name

So to start this post I have to declare that I've never read a book about feminism till two years back, I believe I was just born this way, this wonderful way. I am a proud African Arab Muslim feminist woman and I am tired of people speaking on my behalf. Whether you like it or not, I have this multiple identities, which I love about myself. I think of myself as an Arab and an African, I connect so much with those cultures and I am also geographically located within those two areas. I also identify myself as a Muslim, I believe in my religion but that does not prevent me from being very critical of it.

For me, attacking Arabs, African or Muslim as the source of misogyny does not help in any of the struggles I'm in for equality, on the personal level or on the professional level. I tend to think that taking the longer road or the hardest one would actually tackle the problem and help us understand more. For me, the difference really between the "west" and other countries where people complain about inequality between women and men, is that their laws prohibits it - sometimes. I have been traveling all over the world since I was 16, and I remember having this naive thought that "western women" are suffering less than us. Then I lived in the US and learned about the inequality, acquaintance rape, and domestic violence. I've met brave women from European countries talking about their experience with violence, one of them told me she insists on telling her mother's experience with domestic violence just because people think that she - a white English woman - wouldn't be in such situation.

I also went through a phase where I take appearances as a fact, then I came to learn how subjective everything is. I met an old friend who is face-veiled, who had her own reason to wear it - she said she spent years dressing up in revealing clothes till she was tired of people's looks, and now she feels more comfortable walking with her face-veil. I've read an article "Hands Off Clitordectomy" and I had a different look at the plastic surgeries that are widely accepted just because it's coming from the "west".

As I grow up (now I'm in my late 20s), I learn more that things are not as simple as that "they hate us", I actually wish they were, it would have been easier on me. I wish I haven't seen how extremists Catholic Americans look at abortion rights or homosexuality, I hope I never got introduced to the term "femicide" from Mexico where many killings are targeting women just for being women. I wish I didn't hear about burning clinics in the US just because they give medical care to women seeking abortion. And the list goes on and on, and it never ends - unfortunately. Having said that, this does not prevent me from criticizing our own misogyny, and confronting our own problems. I am very critical of my cultures and religion, but I'm very keen in playing an active role in voicing out my objection, not withdrawing from them.

I wish things was as trivial as "hatred", but even if it is the case, the men in my life from the Middle East do not hate me. I am surrounded by a father who supported every move I make in my personal life and my career, male friends who were there for me in the most critical phase in my life, and a wonderful partner who sometimes I think is more feminist than me.

I am tired of people speaking on my behalf, I'm not a weak Muslim woman living in the Middle East crying my heart out for savior from the "west". "Why do they hate us" does not represent me, same as the white saving discourse does not represent me. Same as people attacking my religion do not represent me. I speak for my own story. I am the sole legitimate voice for myself and here I am declaring it: Not in My Name.

Take away personal dynamics, be anonymous

Who said we should write things in our own names? It makes it personal. Today there was a debate at AWID Forum about a letter that was distributed criticizing the exclusion of a certain discourse in the MENA region, and a point that was used to attack the letter was that it was not signed, you can't identify the authors of the letter, and no one "to take responsibility" for its content.

I have to say that the idea of being anonymous was not very familiar to me at the beginning, I didn't understand why would people do something or write something without putting their names on it, I thought it was only out of fear or security risks. The truth is, I am convinced now that it is more than this. Yes, there is a security aspect, but also it is a statement that you make when you write or act in anonymity, it is a statement to take away personal dynamics and concentrate on the idea that is being expressed. In this world, where your personal life is taken into account to "judge" your views, anonymity protects your ideas from being looked at from an angle that you didn't want: personally.

But, would you trust an anonymous? People's trust is built on one of the two things: personal knowledge, or how good the information is. If you post credible verified (and verifiable) information, or views that are worth reading, the reality is that people will tend to read for you, even if you are anonymous, your real identity becomes less important, and your new identity will be your views.

Anonymity give us more freedom to express our opinions, it sets no limits to your self-expression because it brings no personal dynamics to the table. Take away personal dynamics, be anonymous.

Who talks for the region?

I am an AWID participant, and it is my first time to attend the forum. Yesterday, the first day, was a little bit slow but I met many feminist friends of mine so I was really happy, however, I heard from a couple of them some disappointment from the in-depth session on “Women’s Rights and Transitions to Democracy in the MENA region”. I attended the first session of it and I stayed only for the introduction of the panelists, I was disappointed and I left. I found no young feminists on board, no one who is actually taking part on the ground in the region, the panelists came from a funding organization, AWID, UNFPA and an international women's rights organization. But where are the feminists on the ground?

Comments that I got about the session: boring, nothing on Palestine, and other disappointments that lead many feminists from different age range and coming from different countries to leave the session. This issue brings up the question of who talks for the region? Ever since the wave of resistance / struggle / revolutions / uprising happened more than a year ago and people have been trying to understand how this movements started and how to react to it, and one thing that is being constantly said is: listen to the people on the ground.

AWID Froum should be the space for feminists on the ground to speak out about their challenges and their struggle. This is the space that is supposed to provide support for feminists on the ground, not space for funding institutions and international organizations to talk about their coordination of the work of their partners on the ground, and their vision. The discussion lacks local vision.

Let's take back our space.

Feminism, human rights organizations & child care

Yesterday I came across a woman who is confident enough in her capabilities that she brought her baby (looks like a one year old) to a workshop on digital security. She is lucky to have her mother-in-law traveling with her and helping her out, but we had a conversation. She works in a women's rights/feminist organization in Thailand, an organization that allowed her to go on a maternity leave, to go back to work slowly into the work pace, bringing her baby to a work related workshop, and she says the office is a child friendly atmosphere. She told me she is thinking of giving up her big office to a smaller one so there would be a room for employees' kids.

Being a feminist does not mean that you do not want to have a baby just because it is a mainstream traditional role for women. I am a feminist, a proud woman, and one day I want to be a mother, and I have the right to fulfill all the roles that I want to play in this life. There is not a one way of working and one way of work environment. Another reason behind why every issue is a feminist issue is that they way the world is constructed and values are made is based on men's view: how men think work should look like, which value they appreciate in an employees, etc. and women can't help but try to compete in this framework, to be a successful a woman needs to act like a man in work place, have the same male value (aggressiveness, high level competitiveness, etc.) and if-God-forbids she shows any "female values" she is called all sorts of names that are not very "professional" or not appreciated in the traditional work field; such as weak, emotional, etc.

Women who are working are hiding that they are pregnant, in interview hiding that they are engaged or planning to in fear they loose the opportunity or get fired because the employer do not want to be giving her the maternity leave. Women are a little bit luckier if they work in the human rights sector, at least people would not want their human rights organization to look bad towards women right?! So far, I've seen one good example in this regards, a feminist organization giving the employee a 3 months leave then allowing her to bring her baby to the work space, which I think is amazing and the right thing to do, it is the only organization that I actually believe they do respect every aspect of a woman's life.

Childbearing should be celebrated and respected, and women should not feel they need to make a compromise over their careers or their personal life. Employees don't have to be all without children, a work place should not always be children free.

Feminism is about challenging the status quo and it should remain this way, as long as the world functions the way "men" have put it, the world is a feminist issue.