Sometimes I feel there is no point in it all. No point in resisting fake people, acting careless in the face of their bullshit, and not to spread their who they really are to others. I'm tired of smiling in the face of hypocrites instead of telling them to fuck off...I do really want to say it, right there in their faces! But I can't...I can't cause I have a job, I can't cause we live in a world where honesty is considered as rudeness, I can't cause it will bring me trouble. How ironic is that?! Having to smile in the face of a hypocrite so I don't get myself in trouble!
Anyway...once in a while I think of quitting what I do and leave all of this and indulge myself in the academia world (which I presume is not any better that the civil society one), at least I'll be mostly with my books in the library, or struggling with my supervisor, which I find a reasonable bargain compare to what I have to deal with in the civil society/activists here after the start of the revolution here! There must be something called post-revolution-trauma that explains the inflation of ego, the competitiveness (in the human rights field, surprisingly!), and the constant feeling of "I'm right, they are stupid" syndrome...and ah! the acting like a star syndrome as well! Oh God! Sometimes I feel like I want to just take a break from all of fakeness around me and be around only genuine people. Come on! Life is not even worth all this effort to be fake!
Bas keda :)