No one gets close

I am learning everyday new things about myself. I never knew how much I am sensitive and emotional till now. I am discovering a gypsy part in me every now and then, and a calm part as well...

I never understood why people would say that they can't let anyone get close to them in a certain phase of their lives. Now I do. I think it all depends on how you feel about yourself. I feel vulnerable at the moment so it is difficult for me to open up to someone and bring her/him closer. I just can't stand anymore disappointments or failures or unmet expectations at the moment.

نهارك سعيد

صحيت النهاردة مش أسعد مخلوق في القاهرة... شيء سخيف إننا مش بنعرف نتحكم في أحلامنا، يعني ليه الواحد لا به ولا عليه يحلم بحاجة سخيفة تنكد عليه الصبح؟ أنا مهم عندي مزاجي وأنا داخلة أنام ومزاجي لما أصحى، بحاول على قد ماقدر أبقى سعيدة في الوقتين دول.

المهم أنا قررت إني أكتب حاجات سعيدة علشان أستعيد مزاجي الحلو... فكرت أكتب الحاجات اللي لغاية دلوقتي نفسي أعملها قبل ماتم ٣٠ سنة:

‎- أعمل ضفائر أفريقية
‎- أحلق شعري (أيوة... على ٣ مثلا)
‎- أتعلم غطس في دهب
‎- أسافر حتة عجيبة وغريبة (مكان غير مألوف قوي للسياحة التقليدية)
‎- أكمل أتعلم أسباني
‎
يعني أكيد الحاجات ديه مش كتير، بس عامة ديه الحاجات إلي على بالي وأعتقد إن مش من الصعب تحقيقها في ٥ سنين، ومنها حاجات ممكن تحقيقها في ٢٠١٠ :)

I want to write

I want to write. I want to write about how I feel for so long but I didn't have the confidence to do so. Or is it the confidence to face my feelings when I put them in paper that I lacked?

Yesterday I was pampering myself by going to a salon to do manicure and pedicure. This is a ritual I am used to do at least once a month, and more if I have enough money. A dear friend advised me to try a new place where they hire both females and males, and give you a massage while they are doing the pedicure. My feet was never touched by a man other than an intimate partner. It has been always a nice relaxing passionate spot, till I went to do my pedicure yesterday. The young man – who looked in his early 20- was slim, wearing a shinny tight top underneath the white robe of the place. I was shy when he first looked at me to give him my left foot, where he spent nearly 15 minutes taking care of it. When he turned to the other feet I was already enjoying being pampered and relaxed. The young man seemed very dedicated in the massage that he was doing, and a couple of times his face touched my foot when he was bringing water to wash them. I paid and I came out of the place thinking about the foot massage, and thought, what an erotic scene!